School references: what should you tell the headteacher?

What is the reference there to add?

An admissions test captures one morning. A reference adds the view of adults who have watched your child learn over months and years. It deserves to be taken seriously, but it is not a hidden second application for you to write.

Schools describe its weight differently, and neither of these publishes a percentage. Channing says it offers places on the whole picture of exam, interview and school reference. Highgate’s 2027 policy says final decisions are still predominantly informed by the test ranking, alongside the interview and the confidential reference. So “we consider everything” does not mean equal thirds, and a glowing reference should not be expected to rescue a weak paper.

Our advice is to concentrate on accuracy and a smooth handover. Help the current school understand where you are applying and what has changed recently. Leave the judgement and the wording to the person asked to provide them.

What might the school be asked about?

The City of London School admissions policy describes a confidential report from the current Head covering academic ability, behaviour, involvement in school life, talents and interests, and special circumstances. It is also likely to include the school’s standardised test results (such as CATs, the Cognitive Abilities Tests) and to comment on safeguarding, special educational needs and disabilities (SEND), and the attitude and conduct of the candidate and parents. That last phrase is a good reason to keep your own emails courteous.

Haberdashers’ Elstree asks the current school for a written reference covering similar ground: ability, attitude and behaviour, involvement in school life, interests and any special circumstances. These are examples from named schools, not a universal form, and most actual forms and return deadlines are not public.

City also says it cannot consider extra references or testimonials unless it asks for them; its examples are music scholarships and sports prizes. A letter from an influential family friend is not an advantage to count on. Follow the destination’s instructions rather than sending “just in case” recommendations.

Tell the current school before the requests start arriving

Open the conversation once the shortlist is serious, then update it as applications go in. Ask who coordinates references and how much notice the school likes. Channing, for example, says it asks the current Headteacher for a confidential reference after you apply, and its 2027 11+ application deadline is 6 November 2026. One tidy early email is far kinder than four urgent ones in the final week.

Give staff a short list: your child’s name and class, the destination schools, entry year, application numbers where you have them, known deadlines and the receiving admissions contacts. If a school gives separate dates for the application and the reference, say which is which. Where you do not know a deadline, write “ask admissions”; do not fill the gap with the test date for neatness.

You do not need to apologise for considering an independent school. If your state primary handles few such applications, explain the request plainly and ask the destination to clarify anything unfamiliar. If you withdraw an application, tell the coordinator rather than assuming the news will travel on its own.

A simple first email is enough

This is an invented example, not a school form or a proven tactic. Adapt it to the real request and your school’s preferred route.

Dear Ms Patel,

We are applying for Year 7 entry for Sam in September 2027. We are applying to two independent schools, and they may contact the headteacher for a reference after we apply.

Could you let us know who coordinates these requests and which school email address we should give? I can send a short list of application details and deadlines as soon as we have them.

Thank you for helping us keep the process organised.

Notice what it leaves out: no request for a glowing account, no suggested adjectives, no predicted result. It asks an administrative question and offers useful information.

Keep medical or SEND reports, passports and similar records out of this kind of email.

What if the latest report is not the picture you hoped for?

Read it slowly before reacting, and sort the problem into one of three kinds: a factual error, a reasonable concern, or a comment that needs context. A wrong attendance figure calls for a correction. A teacher’s concern about independent work calls for a conversation about learning.

Do not open by asking for a judgement to be removed because applications are approaching. The useful outcome is a more current understanding of your child, not simply a more cheerful document.

If real progress has happened since the report was written, ask the destination how it would like an update. Do not edit a report or quietly leave out a requested term. A separate, dated explanation sent through the agreed route keeps the original and the newer information distinct. If an earlier difficulty led to support or an assessment, say so; the documents should go through the school’s approved channel, not your own summary.

Nobody can reliably tell you that one phrase will sink an application, and anyone who promises that careful wording neutralises any concern is guessing.

Can we see what has been written?

Highgate and Channing both describe their references as confidential. Plan for a school-to-school process, not a document you will necessarily read before it is sent.

The legal position is not a simple yes or no. The ICO explains that personal information in a reference given in confidence can be exempt from a subject access request. It also says exemptions should be considered case by case, not applied as a blanket.

Separately, the ICO’s education guidance distinguishes a pupil’s data-protection right of access from a parent’s right to the educational record. In England the parent’s right applies to maintained schools, not independent ones. If you want to ask, put the question to the relevant school and do not assume either automatic disclosure or permanent secrecy.

You can always discuss your child’s progress with the current school and raise factual mistakes in information you have seen. That is different from approving the reference or choosing what goes in it. And do not ask a member of staff to forward a confidential document informally. If something seems to have gone to the wrong person, tell the schools through their established channels.

How to follow up when a reference appears to be missing

First establish what is actually missing. A portal can show a task as outstanding while the school is still processing it.

If the request never reached the current school, check the address and ask admissions to resend it through the approved route. If the school has it but needs more time, put the two offices in touch and ask the destination what deadline applies. Do not plan on an extension being granted.

Ask for status, not contents: “Could you confirm whether the reference has arrived and whether you need anything from us?” is enough. One agreed family contact and a short record of replies beats three relatives chasing three teachers.